Weights & walking

Oh hey, I’m done. Yup, once I told you guys I was going to do it, I had to. It really did help me to say it out loud. I walked for 30 min. and started to use my weights again. Been a long time. I was super happy afterwards, and then thought I’d grab a few things online for Christmas, “CyberMonday” and all. Well, I got so mixed up on what I was getting for granddaughter, felt pressured to buy it NOW, that I finally gave up. Goodness, things are going to be on sale from now until Christmas, ya know? Then for some reason, the rest of the afternoon I was kind of bummed out. I have NO idea why. Maybe it had to do with the not shopping? Actually, it could be that I was disappointed in what I ate.

Do you remember when I was eating a bunch of bread and wanted to stop? Well, we haven’t bought bread for a couple of months. Now I can’t stop eating yogurt. Sounds a little silly, but I will eat maybe, 5-6 a day. The “light & fit” Dannon, so little sugar & 80 cals. And I still love to eat edamame beans in the pod. Takes awhile to take out of the pod and snack on them. Good protein source and no sugar. I realize that what I’m snacking on isn’t bad for me, but it’s the exact habit that I had before, just better food. Plus, I’m fighting myself about it and feeling lousy if I go against what I said I wasn’t going to do. Make sense?

Hmm, notice how I’m focusing on what I didn’t do? That I failed? I should still be smiling all over the place and trying to pat my own back for exercising! I must practice those good thoughts. That’s probably one of my biggest hurdles – to give myself props when I accomplish a goal for the day.


I’ll c’yall later, k?

Why is it so hard to get started?

I came in here to tell you that I must get going and exercise. Then I made a cup of coffee and came back here so I could reeallly tell you that I must get going and exercise. haha. Think I’m procrastinating a little?

My daughter just texted me… she was at the gym. Hubby left early… for the gym. The news just showed a photo of Jake Gyllenhaal 25 lbs thinner and really pumped up for his new movie Southpaw. It’s all around me. People are moving their bodies. Getting/staying healthy. Hubby has been going to the gym for years, but has changed the way he’s eating right now. Wants to get healthier/lose weight so his knees don’t hurt so much. I can see the changes in his face already and his sweats are falling off.

I want my face to look thinner. I want my sweats to fall off too. Reminds me of when I was quite a bit thinner and my jeans were baggy. That’s a great feeling. Big sweatshirt, baggy jeans, and sitting on the couch all cross legged and cozy with no worries about digging out my shirt to cover my bulging stomach. And wondering whether this roll or that roll is covered up too. ::sigh:: And you know what? I can do that. Of course I can. Get downstairs and walk for Heaven’s sake. I’m not a freakin’ baby.

Ok okokok. I’m going now. I shall report back, k?

I finally started to exercise!

It’s been awhile since I did any type of exercise, at least not on a regular basis. I never did it long enough or consistently enough to make it beneficial. But just like quitting smoking – it may take a couple of times to get it to stick. My goal is to really get into it again (like many years ago) so that I can’t even imagine NOT doing it. Making it a habit. Which will definitely happen if I keep at it.

I began walking on the treadmill for a half an hour. I turn off the scanning stats so that I can’t see how much time has passed. The 3rd day I was walking, I flipped on the time-tracker, and it was only 12 min. Ugh, I just didn’t FEEL like doing it any longer. I wasn’t out of breath, I wasn’t in any pain or anything, I just didn’t FEEL like it. But a good song came on and I kept walking. Then another good song came on, and I just kept walking. I took a peek at the time, and 23 min had passed. Ok I said to myself, I can do this. Before I knew it, I had walked 31 min. I did it! wooo! I felt so good that I actually had some sincere, positive thoughts about myself. Didn’t have to fake it.

When I exercise (feel good) I eat better (feels great). I find myself getting more stuff accomplished around the house or do things I may have put off doing for awhile. One positive thing leads to another. Amazing, isn’t it? I could never understand why, if something makes me feel so good about myself, that I wouldn’t keep doing it, ya know? Like one of the times I tried to quit smoking. I felt great! Didn’t have to worry about where I was going to smoke, worry about whether I had enough cigarettes, smelling like cigarettes, or coughing. Why would I go back to all of those things? Ditto with exercising and eating healthy. Well, if you have the same thoughts and frustrations as I do, you know why we don’t always keep it up ‘cos it’s easier not to, right?

ANYway, going to bed. OH, that’s another change for me – getting more sleep! I’m on a roll! Hey, can you believe I don’t even have a category on my blog for exercise posts? ha, go figure.

G’nite all!

I’m really not all that bad naked.

Three days ago I did something that I never ever thought I would do. I was making my bed in the morning before I got dressed, and our dresser mirror is across from the bed. I happened to look up, mid-sheet straightening, saw my naked body right there in front of me, and thought, “Oh. Hmm, doesn’t look so bad.” What?? Did I really just say that? So I stood up straight, turned and looked at myself from the side… then turned to the other side… yup, I really don’t look that bad. I honest-to-God never said that while looking at my naked body, or if I did, it had to be at least 20 yrs ago.

It definitely left an impression on me. I was also feeling thinner that week in general – not puffy and hadn’t been overeating – so I’m sure that had a little bit to do with it. If not physically, mentally. I haven’t tried that again, the mirror/naked thing. I’m hanging on to those positive thoughts for now, I don’t want to be disappointed, ya know?

That was in total contrast to the way I usually talk to myself. “Ugh, fat belly!” “Gross” “Stupid for eating that bread” and on and on. I have been working on that though. I’m trying to add a positive statement after I say something negative about myself, like, “It’s ok, you’re doing good!” “I’ll be alright…” you know, things like that. Doesn’t always work, but I think it gets the negative thought out of my head faster and keeps me from dwelling on it too long. One of the worst things that I can do to myself is when I’m getting ready for bed, there’s a small lamp that casts shadows on the wall behind me. Well, when I’m naked (lots o’ nakedness here tonite), my shadow is exaggerated and parts of my body are stickin’ out all over the place. I can’t stand it and have to turn around and scold myself for even looking. I should know better by now. Not a good frame of mind to be in before falling asleep!

Alrighty, c’ya later guys – hopefully sooner than almost a year from now. I can’t believe it’s been that long since I was here last. Oh well, ’tis life.

Eating Weird and Gaining Weight

Didn’t I even wish you guys a Happy New Year? Oy, where has the time gone?

I’m a single lady this weekend. Hubby took a road trip with the guys and it’s me and the dogs here. In my “pre-surgery” days, if hubby was on a weekend ride, I would look forward to buying some treats for myself. Usual fare was home made nachos & a little ice cream.  Or Taco Bell. I haven’t had Taco Bell in 10 yrs!

Tonight when I was at the grocery store, I still wanted a special treat for myself, but didn’t know what to get. Not a darn thing appealed to me. Nothing that made me excited to run home, get my jammies on and sit down in front of the tv and eat, ya know?

I’ve been eating a little weird the last couple of months. Generally, I don’t feel like eating anything other than yogurt, honey-roasted peanuts, and mini rice cakes. Oh, and SF Popsicles. Ya, I know, pretty healthy, huh? And I’ve gained 10 lbs. bah.

Do I sound bored? Bor-ing? Need to get in the swing of things around here, get my voice back.
C’ya next time, k?
**omg. I wrote the same thing 2 yrs ago! Sorry. OH, and I recently had my 10 yr. WLS anniversary. Imagine that. :)

Great products, but I can’t afford them!

I was visiting a website that talked about this wonderful “high protein, no sugar and caffeine” drink  – wowsa! But just like so many of the products that are highly recommended and used by some of my WLS folks, they’re expensive. Of course, everything is relative, and for 9 yrs. I used Optimum’s Pro Complex protein powder religiously. Generally cost me $46 – $58 for 4.4 lbs. (they would match any other price, even online), and it would last me a couple of months. Recently it has increased in price, PLUS, my hubby is now drinking it for breakfast so obviously, it’s not lasting as long.

We now use a comparable protein powder and the cost is more manageable. It’s MuscleTech Premium Whey Protein for 5 lbs. and is $32 @ Sam’s Club. Don’t love it as much as the other, but I can deal with it.

It’s a reality. I cannot afford to buy many of these products. Yes, “I am worth it” etc etc, but not at the expense of starving my husband or having our utilities shut off or our home foreclosed on, know what I mean? So I add my protein powder to my own coffee. Great! I add protein powder to my yogurt. Yum. I am healthy. Just had my labs drawn and they are awesome. If I treat myself it’s a Starbucks biscotti, and I must confess that I always use Starbucks beans for my ground coffee at home.  For me it’s simply a fact that I can’t afford a Mercedes Benz but I LOVE love love my little VW Cabrio convertible – for real.

Banana Ice Cream using JUST bananas!

Since I miss eating sweets sometimes more than anything else, when my daughter told me about this recipe, I HAD to try it. It’s banana ‘ice cream’ made with old bananas only.

In a nutshell (I’ll link to the recipe that I followed), you take a few (3-4) soft/brown bananas that you’d either say “I should make some banana bread with these over-ripe bananas” or simply throw them out. Peel them, cut them up in small chunks, freeze for a few hours, remove, throw them in a food processor and eat. The Lucky Eater site has the specifics, recipe, and some photos that you’ll probably need to take a look at.

I’m telling ya, you will NOT believe how it tastes! All I could say to my husband as we were eating it, is “Someone is playing a trick. This is JUST bananas. Can’t be.”

Couple of things though… I used a blender because I do not have a food processor. And the first time I made this, I froze the bananas over-nite. So, #1) the bananas were reeeally hard and #2) I almost burned up the motor in the blender. Yesterday the bananas weren’t quite as hard (3 hrs in the freezer), and I was a lot more delicate with the speed and blending the bananas. Would probably be a lot easier with a food processor.

I also do not love-love bananas, so a little went a long way and the 1st time (‘cos I ate about 1/2 cup) kind of make me pukey feeling. I made it the second time primarily for hubby.

Wonder how it would taste with other things thrown in? or maybe just on top, like strawberries or blueberries? maybe even some protein powder? BTW, I threw a tablespoon of peanut butter in the blender too. yum. Let me know if you tried anything else like this or added something extra!

Quitting another addiction

I can do it!!So I quit smoking 16 hours ago. I’ve done it before but wound up starting again. I quit for a year before & after my surgery. Who knows why I started again… because I’m an addict, that’s why. I’m doing pretty good today, the occasional, really strong craving, but I talked myself through it – out loud. How gross it was, coughing – and the positive stuff – my granddaughter, really my #1 motivation!! and the urge to smoke passed.

Besides that, I’m actually struggling more to not eat/snack tonite. Back and forth, back and forth – it’s ok, only 2 pieces of bread. NO, it HAS to stop!! When I was thin, I never in a million years ate bread. Very very rarely, and most definitely not at nite. It can be done.

I’m caring enough about myself to quit smoking. It inspires me to eat better too. Heck, I think I will even walk in the morning. Gotta replace that morning ciggie with something, right?

Eating well with hubby

My husband is a “big guy.” Always has been. His weight has also fluctuated through the years and right now I think he’s at his peak. Funny thing is that we’re always opposite each other. I’m fat(ter) and he’s thinner, and vice-versa. His rationale has typically been “I can’t do anymore than I’m doing now – quit smoking, quit drinking, and I work out 2 hrs every day!” Of course he doesn’t include the fact that he eats huge portions of food. He stopped smoking & drinking over 15 yrs ago and really does go to the gym every freakin’ day – except Sundays. That’s also where we’re opposite. I still smoke, will have a beer when we’re out riding in summer, don’t exercise, but I eat really well.

Well, beginning this week, he asked for my help to cook healthy meals for both of us and not to give him so much. He/we are not snacking and already we can feel the dif. For me, the obsessive bread eating is no more! As I’ve repeatedly mentioned, I just couldn’t get away from eating it so much, esp. at nite. The big, round bulging tummy under my boobs has gone down and I lost 3 pounds – woowoo! I totally enjoy cooking my healthy meals for both of us – pretty cool.

And that’s the poop for this beaUtiful Sat morning. Have a great weekend everyone!
Photos are hubby doing a test photo shoot for headphones company, and hootchie-mama pic from the Harley 90th Anniversay (you can’t see the fishnets & CFM boots I’m wearing – haha!).
Check out more pics.

“The idea is you don’t wait to feel motivated… it seldom works that way. You start doing the behaviors first, the motivation will come.”

I believed in myself once, so what happened?

I was watching the Biggest Loser the other nite, and you know when they have those one-on-one, emotional conversations between the trainer and one of the contestants? I think this one was between Bob & Emily. Anyway, the issue was that she was really starting to believe in herself, and what a difference it made when she was working out and eating well. That she actually wanted to and she felt good about it. That got me thinking, and I’ll use myself as an example.

I’ve never really had a high opinion of myself.  At. all. For a bunch of text book reasons from my childhood which doesn’t really matter. The fact is, I hated myself. So fast forward to a time when I had enough of the fat & unhealthy & crappy feelings to get motivated and get in shape. Was eating better, losing weight & generally felt super. I felt good about myself. I was doing it. Along with a bit of non-resistant psychotherapy that tied it all up in a lovely, positive image of myself. For real.

After about 5 yrs, my weight started to creep back up, and along with the weight, my self-confidence began to go down the toilet again. Plus, add even more negative thoughts because I screwed everything up. I had worked so hard at getting healthy and losing weight only to gain it all back (and more) – wow, what a loser!

I am better now. I don’t always dislike myself. Certainly not as often or as deeply, which isn’t to say it’s gone completely.

So what I was wondering… it’s such a big issue, “You have to find the cause of your low self-esteem” “Dig deep!” “Face your fears” “Forgive” – you have to break down to build yourself up. Ok, so what if you do that? Life is good. You’ve conquered the demons that made you overeat, made you addicted, and caused you to think of yourself as a weak, can’t-do-anything-right, bad person. You’re free!

What happens when you gain some weight back and those feelings gradually come back? What happened? Where did all of the positivity go? Why don’t you believe in yourself anymore? Does that mean it wasn’t real when you felt better? Do you have to go through all of it again? And then when you do it again, lose weight, feel good about yourself again… how do you know it will last? Why doesn’t it last? Aren’t we *cured*?

Oh my, I could go around and around, over and over again. Kind of like “Groundhog Day.” I suppose that’s simply the way it is. I just don’t understand. But we keep on trying, right?

(I know that I alternate the “I” & “we” & “you” frequently. Should probably not assume anything, I can only speak for myself)